My journey toward health is about living an authentic and whole hearted life. I have days that really do not feel awesome. In fact, there days when I feel so far from awesome and so full of self doubt that I question why I even started this journey. There have been strong temptations to dive into a bag of chips, consume an entire pizza, a couple of donuts, and a bottle of diet coke. And that would be a single meal. When I am in a funk or feelin' the blues my instinct is to reach for food. It's what I did for years and is very, very difficult to break that habit.
This journey has stirred up a lot of emotion in me. And I am learning to be ok with allowing myself to feel what I am feeling, both the good and the bad. I truly believe that I am able to do this because I am eating healthy and life giving food. I have removed the foods from my body that are toxic to me. In doing so I have unblocked the barriers that existed between my head and my heart. The strength that I feel when two are connected is incredible. Even in those moments where the emotion is intense and painful that connection has been life giving.
Last week I had a massive anxiety attack. I found my world dissolving around me and all I could do is fall to the ground and sob. It was the connection between head and heart that brought me through and got me breathing again. It was painful, intense, and not something I want to repeat. Yet at the same time I am, in a strange way, thankful that it happened because I now know that when emotion hits that hard I can weather it and not let it break me. I can fight for myself and I can make positive choices for my health.
I don't know what you struggle with, but I want you to know that you are loved, you are worth fighting for, and the hard emotions will pass if you let them. Be well friends, live life to its fullest and as always, be awesome.
It's easy to share your good moods but it's even harder to share your weaknesses. You want people to think you're always put together, awesome and in-charge, and it shatters that image when people realize you're human. But really, being human is not anything to be ashamed of. Everyone has moments of weakness but it's how you react to those moments that shape how awesome you are. Instead of throwing away all your hard work and succumbing, you made it through and it toughened your resolve to be stronger.
ReplyDeleteIn the wake of losing my dad, I've had a lot more of those sad and weak moments than I ever had. No one is expecting me to go through this loss without having those moments, but I feel like I should keep a strong exterior. One day in particular I felt so incredibly broken, lost and dark. I had some seriously bad thoughts, and instead of succumbing to those thoughts or ideas (cutting, other self-harm, suicide) I just sat still until I stopped thinking that way and I got up and resolved myself to fix the plug in the vacuum. It took a lot to admit to myself that I felt that dark, and it took even more to tell Andrew. But, I did. And now I'm telling you.
Being weak or feeling in a funk does not make you any less awesome or amazing to me. It makes you more human, which just proves you're an incredible human being. I'm very proud of you.
I am proud of you Mo! I admire your quest for healthy and whole living and recognize that it is a day in and day out effort. No need to hide the down days they are as important in the journey as the good days maybe even more so! Not to mention that we all have them in some version or another.
ReplyDeleteBe blessed!