Two outlet malls and countless stores later, all I have to show is a new pair of khakis. I really need clothes that fit me, but to be honest, shopping today completely overwhelmed me. I stood in one shop today, lovingly holding a beautiful sweater vest. It was a gorgeous deep plum and was on a killer sale. Did I buy it? No. I had no idea what size to buy. I reached for the extra large and withdrew my hand, because well, that would be way too big. I picked up the large and thought "All of my larges are starting to be too big on me." There was something in me that just couldn't pick up the medium, a little voice in my head kept telling me that I will never be that size so why even bother. It completely shut me down. I really did not expect today's shopping trip to be so emotionally distressing!
Shopping has never been a joy for me. Typically it consisted of finding the one or two racks with sizes large enough for me, picking through them until I found something that kinda fit my style, and then feeling horrible every time I had to pick up a larger size. The idea of being able to walk into any store, go up to any rack, and pick up a size that will fit me is completely foreign to me. I am so accustomed to having very limited selections and only taking a few minutes to sort out if I am going to buy anything or not. Now, I feel like I need to completely relearn how to shop.
I am going to try shopping again tomorrow. This time, on my own with no time constraints. I am also writing a list of things to look for, so I am not mindlessly wandering picking up whatever catches my eye. It will be thrift store shopping which is kinda like treasure hunting. And I do love looking for treasures! Hopefully I will find some great buys and go home with a couple new (to me) pieces of clothing!!
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