The Blues With A Side of Funk

It easy for me to talk about being awesome, feeling awesome, and living awesome. Awesome feels good and begs to be shared. Yesterday, I posted on Facebook that I was in a funk and a friend asked why I didn't post about when I am not feeling awesome. My response, because it is a lot harder to talk about.

My journey toward health is about living an authentic and whole hearted life. I have days that really do not feel awesome. In fact, there days when I feel so far from awesome and so full of self doubt that I question why I even started this journey. There have been strong temptations to dive into a bag of chips, consume an entire pizza, a couple of donuts, and a bottle of diet coke. And that would be a single meal. When I am in a funk or feelin' the blues my instinct is to reach for food. It's what I did for years and is very, very difficult to break that habit.

This journey has stirred up a lot of emotion in me. And I am learning to be ok with allowing myself to feel what I am feeling, both the good and the bad. I truly believe that I am able to do this because I am eating healthy and life giving food. I have removed the foods from my body that are toxic to me. In doing so I have unblocked the barriers that existed between my head and my heart. The strength that I feel when two are connected is incredible. Even in those moments where the emotion is intense and painful that connection has been life giving.

Last week I had a massive anxiety attack. I found my world dissolving around me and all I could do is fall to the ground and sob. It was the connection between head and heart that brought me through and got me breathing again. It was painful, intense, and not something I want to repeat. Yet at the same time I am, in a strange way, thankful that it happened because I now know that when emotion hits that hard I can weather it and not let it break me. I can fight for myself and I can make positive choices for my health.

I don't know what you struggle with, but I want you to know that you are loved, you are worth fighting for, and the hard emotions will pass if you let them. Be well friends, live life to its fullest and as always, be awesome.

Accountability, Accountability, Accountability

Some of you may be tired of hearing about Earn that Body.  Tough.  I love it.  And it's changing my life.  Did you see my post about running 5 miles in an hour.  Yeah, I did that, pretty cool huh? Will I do it again, heck yes I will.  Will I do more amazing things that I never thought possible?  You better believe it, cause I do!

How am I doing this?  Through sheer will power? Nope.  Through depriving myself and pain.  Nope.  I am doing this because I know that I can.  When I start to find an excuse not to do something, I push myself harder to get it done.  I did not start this journey running 5 miles in an hour, I was probably closer to 3.5 miles and that was pushing it for me. Yesterday I caught the reflection of my legs as I was running and it was beautiful.  I felt like I was flying.  So again how have I been able to accomplish this? I am doing this because I have a coach and a team that believe in me and I in them.  I am doing this because people are holding me accountable for my actions.  I am doing this because I love the feeling of strength that is returning to my body.  And I am doing this because I am worth it and I want to be the healthy fit person that I truly know myself to be.  .

I have gotten pretty good at doing things on my own.  But I am realizing the importance of having a group of folks around me that hold me to what I say I am going to do.  I want you to be part of my team.  I want you to hold me accountable and I will do the same for you.  That doesn't mean that you need to run out and sign up for ETB ( I would love it if you did) I understand the realities of living on a budget and making hard choices about where you can spend your money.  I know that I am very lucky to have had the means to do this program.  But that does not leave you off the hook.  We can still hold each other accountable for our goals.

Have you set any health goals?  Let me know what they are and I will help hold you accountable for them.  One of the goals that I am struggling with is my bed time.  I love getting up in the morning and getting my workouts done before I start my day, but I am having a very hard time getting to bed by 9:30.  So one way that you can hold me accountable is by telling me to get off Facebook if you see me on after 9:00.  I promise I won't be offended, I will probably thank you for the nudge.  I have set a goal of running five 5ks this year, this will only happen if I sign up for them, so if there is one that you are doing let me know about it.  If you have a goal of running a 5k, let me know and I would be happy to join you!!

Seriously folks.  I will hold you accountable if you let me know what your goals are, all I ask is that you do the same for me.  We got this, we can be healthy, awesome fit people.  Reach out, set your goals, and know that I will help in any way that I can!

The Power of Awesomeness

I have discovered this magical power of awesome. Awesome can mean cool, neat, rad, stellar etc.  but when I use the word it is all about the awe, all about the inspiration behind that awe.  I have found this magic lodged in the core of my being.  It started as a kernel of truth and is blossoming into the most beautiful, amazing, inspiring, tree of awesome that has ever been.  I am doing things with my body that I never thought possible.  I am pushing through barriers that have held me back for years.  It's not about will power or luck, it is about grabbing onto that kernel of truth and letting it grow.  Allowing the power of awesome to build inside until it is too large to contain.  When I say that I am awesome, it is not coming from a place of conceit or narcissism, it is coming from the awe that I have in myself for stretching and growing. From reaching out and asking for help, from allowing myself to be vulnerable, and from allowing myself to embrace life. 

There is a difference between feeling awesome and being awesome.  There are days that I feel down right crappy, but the truth of my awesomeness is not diminished on those days.  If anything it is expanded because I am allowing myself to feel whatever I am feeling, acknowledge I feel crappy and move on.  It has taken me years to get to this point, it did not happen overnight, and when major emotion hits it is difficult to live this, but my awesomeness remains intact.

You can't lose your awesomeness, it is not something that you can toss away.  It is something that we all have in us.  We all have this kernel of truth ringing in the core of our being.  Some folks have already tapped into it and are letting it grow, others don't know that it is there, but my friends it is.  You are a special, amazing, AWESOME, person.  Never, never forget that.  Will your awesomeness look like mine, heck no.  It is the perfect and most beautiful thing in your world, it is you at your core.  Don't hide that from the world. Be true to yourself, tap into that awesome and let it shine!!

My 2012 Fitness Goals

In the past my goals for the year always revolved around losing weight.  There is nothing wrong with that as a goal, but for me, it was never something that I was ever able to do. I would diet, feel deprived and "rebel", gain all the weight back, not care about what I ate, then start the process all over again.  So in November I decided to ditch the diets and opt for some good old fashioned self care.  I started really listening to my body and what it needed for fuel. I have learned that refined sugar makes me feel crazy and makes my body hurt. So no more refined sugar in my life, not because I am on a diet, but because it is not good for my body.  I have learned that my body LOVES raw greens, I can't seem to get enough kale and spinach! And most surprising to me, I can tolerate bananas.  Insanity I tell you! Insanity!

This year my goals are not about how much weight I am going to lose.  My goals are all about my health and fitness and reaching for things I never thought possible.  I want to share them with you, so you can hold me accountable and maybe to inspire you to create some fitness goals of your own.

My Goals:

• Run Bloomsday and finish in under 1 hour 30 mins
• Run five 5k races
• Ride from Spokane to Coeur d'Alene on the Centennial Trail
• Run a 10 minute mile (and still have energy to run more)
• Run/walk 750 miles this year 
• Be able to do one arm push-ups

I am confident with five of these goals.  I am not good at push-ups right now, but dang-it I am going to start rocking them out to the best of my ability, build up my strength and by the end of the year I will be able to do them!  I am also confident that if I keep these goals in mind, I will lose weight.  But the weight lose will be a byproduct of becoming one sexy athlete!  

So please, keep me accountable, ask me how I am progressing, set your own goals, and post them for all to see!  Put it out there and I will help hold you accountable too!  Here is to a healthy, happy, awesome year!!

Yeah, so I look a little different...

Maybe it was because I was hungry or maybe it was just the way she looked at me, but I almost went off on a lady at the mall this evening. I held my tongue and did not say a thing, but oh I wanted to. It was by no means the most offensive stare I have received and she didn't say anything to me. But she almost ran into the door she was staring so intently.

People stare at me. I get that. They need to figure me out. I disrupt their perfectly aligned gender binary. But can folks please lay off the comments and venomous stares? I once overheard a child ask their parent if I was a boy or a girl. Their response? "I don't know what it is." Seriously. Take a wild guess, say boy, say girl, but never call another human being an it. And don't teach your child to call someone that, it is not ok! It is never ok!

Yeah, so I look a little different. I don't fit the prescribed mold for what a woman should be. But guess what? I don't want to. That is not who I am. I embrace the masculinities that are natural in my body. I shave every other day because if I don't my five o'clock shadow becomes more than a shadow. I can and have grown a wicked set of sideburns, I rocked that look. But hate having and itchy face. I don't like wearing typical women's clothing because I like a little more room to move and I really do look great in a button down shirt and sweater vest.

I respond to he and she, sir or ma'am. In this moment, this is who I am. If you ask if I am a boy or a girl, I will answer with, yes. I am walking the line between. It is an incredibly uncomfortable place to be at times and a place that is not well received by some. But it is also an incredibly freeing place to be. It is because I have come to this point of accepting myself, of loving myself for who I am that I have been able to embark on this journey of health and wholeness. In the past I hid, I sulked on the sidelines, I let life pass me by because I was too afraid, too intimidated by the world's bullies, and too ashamed of who I am to allow myself to live an open life. That fear, that intimidation, and shame are gone. I am who I am, that is all that I can be. It is who I was made to be.

So, yeah, I look a little different, I am okay with that, I embrace it and I LOVE it.

Souper - power!!

One of my superpowers is what I like to call Pantry Power.  I can take a look in the fridge and cupboards, ponder for a moment, consult the spice rack, and create a wonderful meal.  Tonight I did just that with a couple of soups.  For any of you that are interested, here are the recipes:

Lentil and Black Bean Chili

Spice Mix:
2 Tbl Chili Powder
1 1/2 tsp Cumin
1 tsp Ground Ginger
1/2 tsp Paprika
1/2 tsp Ground Coriander
1/2 tsp Cayenne (optional - I like spicy)

1 Tbl Olive Oil
1 Medium Yellow Onion - chopped
6 cloves garlic - minced
1 can diced tomatoes - undrained
1 jar (10 oz) Fire Roasted Red & Yellow Peppers  (Trader Joe's)
4 c Organic Low Sodium Vegetable Broth (Trader Joe's)
2 c water
1 c brown lentils
2 cans Black Beans (drained and rinsed)

In a small bowl mix together the spices and set aside.

Chop onion to desired consistency, I like to dice my onions, but if you prefer larger or smaller pieces go for it, it's your chili!  Mince garlic.  Drain the peppers and chop.

Heat oil in a large pot over medium high heat.  When ready add the onion and cook until translucent (about 5 minutes).  Add the garlic, cook for another minute or so.  Add the tomatoes, roasted peppers, and the spice mix and stir together.  Add the broth and water and bring to a boil.  Add lentils, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 40 minutes or until the lentils are cooked.  Drain and rinse the beans.  Add beans to the pot and stir when the lentils are done.

Yield: 5 - 2 Cup Servings
Calories: 325
Fat: 3.5 g
Carb: 59.9 g
Protein: 18 g


Carrot Ginger Soup


Spice Mix:
1 1/2 ground Coriander
1 tsp Turmeric
1/2 tsp Cumin

1 Tbl Olive Oil
1 Medium Onion - rough chopped
4 c Carrot - chopped
4 cloves garlic - minced
2 Tbl Fresh Ginger - Chopped
4 c Organic Low Sodium Vegetable Broth (Trader Joe's)
1/2 c Red Lentils

In a small bowl mix together the spices and set aside.

Because this is a blended soup you only need to rough chop the onions and carrots.  Heat oil in a pot over medium high  heat.  When ready add the onions and cook until translucent (about 5 minutes).  Add the minced garlic and chopped ginger. Cook for 2 minutes.  Add carrots and spice mix.  Stir together and cook for another 2-3 minutes.  Add the broth and bring to a boil.  Add red lentils, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20 minutes or until the lentils are cooked through.  To finish either use a blender or immersion blender to cream all of the ingredients together. Serve.

Yield: 4 - 1.5 Cup Servings
Calories: 231
Fat: 4.5 g
Carb: 39.9 g
Protein: 10 g