I See You

My wonderful, amazing friends. All of you. No matter where you fall in the realm of support for the current president, all of you, are important to me. We are all on this path together. Your success is my success, and my success is yours.

Let me make one thing clear though, I will not and cannot, heed to your calls for unity and to fall in line behind the president. I will not suck it up, get over it, and move on, because so far where we are heading scares the shit out of me. My friends, who have said this, please know that if I could, I would, but I cannot. I love my country far too much, to not challenge what I see as dangerous and oppressive.

We do not see eye to eye at all. We could not be further apart on issues and I want to dismiss the difference by saying that I just don't understand your point of view. But you know what, that would be a lie, because I do.

Once upon a time, really not all that long ago, I lived a sheltered, middle class, white, presumed straight, Christian, female, life. I thought racism ended, when segregation ended. I thought being gay was a choice. And if you worked hard enough anyone could have anything they wanted. I didn't see the oppression that was right in front of my face, because I was privileged enough to not have to notice it. I get it when some of you posted about the Women's March and how you don't think it was necessary and that it was a bunch of whiny liberals, who are not actually oppressed, because you personally don't feel oppressed. 

You know what? To be completely honest, there are days, I wish that I could feel like that again, I really do. There are days when I wish, I could go back in my nice neat, bubble of 'safety' and not need to think about oppression, to not know what it feels like, and to not have my heart ripped out with each headline and news story. Your lived experience has brought you to where you are in life, I do not fault you for that and I hold no judgement toward you. I was you.

I desperately tried to stay within the walls of safety. When I started feeling my difference, I rejected it. My rejection ran deep into my core. I hated myself. I hated that I was anything other than what I 'should' be, than what I was supposed to be. I was terrified to be different, because I knew how people who were different were treated. It was the experience of coming out that opened my eyes to the suffering and oppression all around me. Once I experienced it first hand, there was no way that I could not see it.

And even though I have experienced oppression, that does not mean I know about all oppression. My lived experience has taught me about what it is like to be a middle class, white, and queer, in our culture. I also fully acknowledge and recognize that right now, with my long hair, that I am easily not read as other, as queer, that I can move through this world with ease, and not need to 'worry' about my oppression. Keeping my hair long has been very intentional on my part and I fully recognize my privilege in being able to not be read as different and not have to face it on a daily basis.

Oppression in all of its forms is alive and well in our country. It has been bubbling for a very long time and erupted in this election cycle and is oozing out the tip of the president's pen as he signs his executive orders. Some of you probably agree with the things he is signing and while it tears at my heart to think about the damage that is being done, I also recognize that you are who you are and you get to make your own decisions about what you think is right. Just as I get to do the same.

Please hear me when I say this, I do not think I am better than you, or more righteous, or evolved, or any of the words you may want to throw my way. I am not preaching or telling you to be different or that you should see things my way. I am not going to call you names or tell you, you are stupid for believing what you believe. I do not know your lived experience that brought you to where you are today.

What I will do is say this, I see you. My heart to your heart, I see you. I see the fear, I see the pain, I see the defensiveness, and I see the suffering. I also see how much you love the people around you; I see how much you want good things in this life.

My hope for this post is that it allows you to pause and reflect on why you hold so tightly to what you believe. I am not asking you to do anything with what you find. All I am asking is that you get curious, look at the why, and play with whatever arises for you. Do with it as you will.

I love you. I see you. I deeply respect your journey.

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As a final note: Tone is so hard to read when written on a screen. These words, I am speaking from my heart to yours, with compassion and understanding. If they stir you, if you find yourself getting angry or upset with me, please, pause. Take a breath and know that it is not my intent, but I also know that though it may not be my intent, that does not lessen the actual impact on your own heart. I am happy to dialogue with you about anything that comes up for you.