What today means to me

Our Wedding Day August 7, 2010

 Today is a good day.  A historic day.  I woke up with knots in my stomach, knowing that within minutes there would be an announcement that would directly impact my life, for good or bad.  I will hold on to the memory of seeing that a provision of DOMA had been struck down.  I just stared at my phone, in semi-disbelief, history had been made and I was on the right side of it, the winning side.

Was it a perfect victory? No.  My friends in states that have anti-marriage equality written into their constitutions are still not equal.  Even if they have a marriage license from another state, they will not receive all the benefits of federally recognized marriage.  There is much to be sorted out and another round of legal battles to be fought in order for true marriage equality to rule in this great nation.  But today is a day for celebration. We need days like this to laugh, to cry happy tears, to dance in the streets, and to feel like we are a part of something bigger than ourselves.

We need days like this, because sometimes the weight of being LGBT in our culture can be heavy.  Even with incredible people around me, it is hard to not internalize the anti-LGBT crap that is so pervasive. Leading up to and after big decisions such as this I tend to avoid the media, in all forms. (With the exception of social media, I can just block you if you piss me off.) People say the craziest shit about LGBT people in times like this, and for the record, marriage equality will not lead to polygamy, or marrying underage people, or marrying goats or dogs or horses or whatever animal the talking head wants to spout off about.  I try to laugh when I hear things like this, because if I don't it just pisses me off to no end.  And I can't live in a state of constant anger, it just isn't healthy.  But even though I laugh when I hear those things, it is a reminder to me that there are people who view me as other, as less than, as second class.  That hurts.  That is hard to not internalize.

But today my love for Aimee was recognized as equal.  To know that (once we sign the papers) our marriage is equal in the eyes of the law is incredible.  I am tearing up just thinking about it.  So what does to today mean to me?  It means that I feel like I am fully a part of this country.  It means that we are taking steps as a nation to right wrongs.  Yes.  We have more work ahead of us.  And there are more pressing issues for LGBT people than marriage, access to education, homelessness, job security, trans inclusive health care, anti discrimination work, and on and on and on.  There are still people being beaten and killed for having the audacity to live into their fullness and awesomeness, people who refuse to crawl into a hole and deny an essential part of who they are. So we must continue to change hearts and minds, to change laws, and most importantly, live into our fullness and awesomeness.  Today a weight fell off my shoulders, today the world changed for the better, today is a good day.