Divine Timing...AKA My Texas Adventure

Powerful. Wonderful. Transformational. Empowering. And of course...awesome. These words all touch on my incredible trip to Texas. I'm sitting here in the airplane trying to capture the spirit of this adventure. I am calling upon the universe to help me find the words, to help me to write about the shift that is taking place in my life.

I came to Texas to have fun, get tons of long over due hugs, and to meet fabulous people who have made deep and last impressions on my life. I leave Texas with all of that and more. I will say right up front, I was in a not great place when I arrived in Texas. I had been hiding food, binging, and letting the chaos in my mind take control of my life. My weight, while not the end all be all, had been going up, I was feeling big, bloated, and heavy. I was not feeling like the super Mo that had been so full of life and so ready to take on the world. Little did I know, that I would find super Mo again and find a deeper awesome than I have ever known. That's pretty amazing for a week long trip!

When I arrived in Texas I made the choice to be open, to not shut myself down in uneasy situations, and to try and go with the flow. That choice left me open to incredible conversations and incredible insights. Each person I met with, each discussion and interaction moved me forward and allowed my heart to open more.

It all started with a sunny afternoon meditation break in Maggie's backyard. As we laid there meditating, I felt a calm and a peace come over me. I was ready to let go, to let myself be vulnerable and to allow transformation to enter my life. In that moment I knew I would not be the same. I had no idea how my life would change, but I knew that I was ready. That night we went to a spring equinox meditation. It was there that I met Lori. At the time I had a feeling that I would see her again, but brushed it off. I was only in Texas for a week, why would I see her again? Ha! I need to trust my gut! When it says someone will be in my life again, I need to trust it. We did meet again and she helped to open me to a whole new level of understanding! But more on that in a moment.

I left the meditation feeling at peace, ready to open to the messages that would come to me during the rest of the trip. I also left with a distinct impression that I needed to start asking for help and to not wait until I was at the end of my rope. (It's a habit I am trying to break!) As I was driving to Austin I was caught up in a traffic backup and had a good 30 minutes to sit, drive REALLY slow, and think. I asked the universe what I needed, where did I need help and to guide me to the right people. The message that came back to me told me to stay open and to send Maggie a text. I am so glad I did both!

While I was in Austin each person had a message for me, whether they knew it or not. I was nervous going into ETB Boot Camp. Nervous about the workout, but also nervous about meeting so many members of my ETB family. I had met these ladies online, where I am not afraid to be open and honest about who I am. I had a fear that they would see me and reject me. I know, it sounds crazy, but that what was going through me head. I felt nothing but love! Each smile, each hug, gave me and energy boost and filled my heart. I am so honored to be a part of the ETB family.

Meeting Kim was incredible, beyond awesome, and our conversation was full of messages for me. She seems like a hard ass, but she has a heart of gold. I felt nothing but love and care from her and I am truly blessed to be able to call her a friend. During our conversation I realized that I thought I had run into a brick wall and didn't know how to get over it. It reality, I had backed myself up against the wall and was using it as a support system. I was afraid to step away, to dream big, to be big, to be me. I will not live my life tucked up against that wall anymore. There is the possibility that I may fall on my face, but at least I will be living and not hiding. Our conversation rekindled my desire to get fit, to love myself through how I treat my body, and to be willing to step up and step out into this good life. I have much to share with the world.

My lunch with Christy confirmed much of the message that I had heard from Kim and opened me to the wonder that is the city of Austin. She drove me around, showing me the sights, and with each stop, I fell deeper in love with the city. As we parted I knew that I would be seeing her again, not on this trip, but soon. I left feeling like we have much to share with one another and we would have the opportunity to grow our friendship.

Dinner with my IIN study buddy Kim was equally as powerful. For years various people have told me that I need to write a book. I have always brushed them off, who am I to write a book? What do I have to say? Sure I blog, but a book? Yeah, right! Earlier in the week during the meditation in the sun the idea of writing a book had come up again, this time I didn't shut it down, I remained open to the possibility. Well, during our dinner conversation, my mouth flew open and out came the premise of my book. As I was talking my heart was doing backflips of happiness, I had a confirmation of what had been opened up earlier in the week. I also had a fabulous dinner with an awesome friend!

Breakfast the next morning with Jennifer was so rad! It reminded me that years may pass, but you can always pick up where you left off with a friendship. We hadn't seen each other since high school graduation and conversation just flowed. And again, I felt at home and at peace in Austin. As I drove away from the city, I knew I would be back. I knew that Aimee and I would live there sometime in the future. Yes, it is a long way from family, but I felt so at home there. I left a piece of my heart in Austin. I will be back and it will be awesome!

My adventuring took me to Houston next and to lunch with my little sister, Amanda Cooke. I lived with the Cooke family when I lived in Egypt. They were a family on the move, full of life and energy. They helped me to come out of my shell and be a little more outgoing. It was fabulous to see Amanda and I still can't believe that she is in med school! She will be an amazing doctor. During our conversation she asked about my time in Egypt, she had read my blog posts and wondered if I was glad that I spent the year there. The question caught me a little off guard and made me think. And yes. I am thankful for my experiences, good and bad, in Egypt. It was painful and hard at times, but without that experience I would not be the person that I am. I would not be in the place I am today. I needed that experience to bring me into the full knowledge that I am who I am, just as I am, and I am who God intended me to be.

After Houston I head north to College Station and another of my Egypt "kids". Yes I know y'all are not kids any more, but to me you are, even if you have husbands, wives, partners and kids of your own. I still think back on that year and smile at the amazing amount of laughter and awesome that I shared with you all. Seeing Suzy was awesome. Her apartment was full of energy and good conversation. My heart was glad to see the smile on her face and light in her eyes. She and I have had similar paths and to see her well and full of life brought me joy.

The next morning I headed back to Mansfield. The text I had sent Maggie on my way to Austin, brought Lori and I back together again. Lori is a Reiki master. Maggie and I had been talking about Reiki before I left for Austin and on the way down I got the distinct message that I needed to see if Lori had time to do an attunement for me when I returned to Mansfield. Reiki is something that had been on the periphery of my life in different ways and had been coming up more and more often in my life. I had worked with energies before in counseling to help open up deep hurts and work through them to find healing and let them go. So when I got the message to be attuned, I was nervous, but I knew that it was the right step for me. I don't have the words yet to describe what I experienced with Lori. I am so excited about the possibilities of the future. The incredible opportunities that lie ahead for me. And the incredible insights that are opening up in my life. I walked away from the encounter profoundly moved and changed.

So I sit here, heading home to my love, feeling like I left home in Texas. It was the people, it was the experiences, it was the divine timing. When we allow ourselves to open up to the incredible possibility of life, we will be blown away by the awesomeness that comes our way. My friends, open yourselves to the awesome possibilities in life. Don't close yourselves off, don't live in fear, be the wonderful people that you are, in all your awesomeness.

Letting go

I live in a state of constant monitor and control. I am always reading my environment. Is it safe seems to be the question I ask the most often. What does safety mean to me? Can I ever truly be safe? For me the answer is no. If I choose to live an open honest life, if I choose as I have, to truly live into the awesomeness of me, it means putting myself in to a space of vulnerability. And that my friends is a scary place to be. To be vulnerable means to be open for whatever may come my way, good or bad. It involves risk, but also contains great reward. To be vulnerable, to be open, is to live with your whole heart. I want to live with my whole heart. I want to be centered in who I am and I want to let my light shine.

I have been hiding my light. I have been withdrawing and closing myself off to the world around me. I am ready to release the need to hide. Does it mean I will never try and hid myself away again? Does it mean I will always be completely open with no hesitation? No. Those are hard habits to break, it is how I learned to survive, they helped to get to this point in my story. But it is time to let go of that hesitation and let myself be. I am excited about the possibility that lies in the letting go.

What is holding you back from an open life, from your whole self? Honor yourself, ask the question, live into the wholeness and amazing you.

I leave you with a quote I shared a couple of weeks ago, I carry it in my wallet as a reminder to myself to be my whole self,

"The world needs your light, it needs your story. It needs you with all your bumps and bruises. You don't need to be perfect, you just need to be you. That is all you can be."

Be you. It is the greatest gift you can share with the world!

Cooking From the Hip

My favorite show on the Food Network is 'Chopped'. In the first round, four chefs have a basket of mystery ingredients and 20 minutes to cook a fabulous first course from ingredients that, at best, are a little odd and, at worst, are completely wrong together.  Each round has a losing chef that is "chopped," leaving the others to move onto the next round with a new mystery basket, until one chef remains as the 'Chopped Champion'. Chopped is cooking from the hip at its finest.  It is saying, "This is what I have, let's go with it." I love watching as they stare blankly at the basket, waiting for inspiration to strike, then bolting to the pantry, grabbing herbs or butter or bread, chopping, slicing, frying, baking, all in the name of love.  Watching people who love what they do inspires me.  

When I'm in the kitchen I cook from the hip.  I use recipes when I am exploring a new style of cooking.  I fell in love with curries a couple of years ago.  I used recipes until I had a firm enough grasp on the way to cook a good curry, then started experimenting on my own.  Changing and twisting and making food my way. I love to go to the fridge, pull out whatever happens to be in there, and cook it into a wonderful meal.  It is my own version of Chopped. (Without the stress of time or elimination.) 

I am not going to give you an exact recipe for what I made tonight.  I don't measure quantities of ingredients, I go with what I have, I cook from the hip.  Aimee keeps telling me that not everyone knows how to cook like this, but I didn't always either.  I think it is something that you can learn to do, if you let go and trust the process, learn a few simple cooking techniques, remember what tastes good together, and go with you gut.  So let me walk you through my process tonight and you can start adventuring with food too!

We ate the rainbow for dinner!

 Step 1: Gather your ingredients!  We had a ton of leftover veg from last week, so I pulled most of it out and chopped it up.
From the top left of the cutting board (clockwise):
- 1.5 Yellow Onions - chopped
- Stems of 6 Baby Bella Mushrooms - diced
- 5-7 Garlic Cloves - peeled
- 3-4 Celery Stalks - cut at an angle (Fancy, I know)
- 2 Carrots - cut on an angle
- 6 Baby Bella Mushrooms - sliced
- 1 Red Bell Pepper - Diced
- Half head Red Cabbage - sliced
After I cut it all up, I stared at it for a few minutes wondering what direction to take with the flavors.  This mixture is a good base for a number of cuisines.  You may not have all of these things in your fridge, but a mixture of carrot, celery, and onion is a great basic base as well.  I wasn't sure what to do so I went to my pantry, I needed something to tie it all together.  We had a bottle of Curry Simmer Sauce from Trader Joe's.  I knew with a pile of veg like that I would need to extend the sauce a little so I grabbed the veggie broth I had in the fridge.  I went back to the pantry and grabbed the red lentils, chickpeas, and coconut oil.  I try to prep everything first, then start cooking.  Sometimes I will chop as I go, but I find the more prep the better.

When my favorite pan was hot and the coconut oil (about 1.5 T) was nice and melty, I tossed in the onion and cooked it until soft and some of the onions had started to brown.  I didn't brown them all, just some.  I used my garlic press on 4 of the cloves and pressed them directly into the onions.  I stirred until they were fragrant.  Garlic burns easily so you don't want to let it stay on the heat for a long period of time.  

When you start to smell the wonderful garlic it is time to toss in the rest of the veg. I let this bunch cook a little while, 3-5 minutes, I think. (Did I mention I don't do precision cooking?) I made sure it was all mixed together well and heated through.

I added the broth, curry simmer sauce, lentils, and chickpeas.  (Our chickpeas had been cooked once and dehydrated to cut the cooking time, so if you want to try and follow this meal, you may opt for a can or precook dried chickpeas.)  I stirred it all together, added some salt, and brought it to a boil.  Then simmered for about 30 minutes to make sure the lentils and the chickpeas were cooked through.   

I tasted after the simmering was done and I found it to be missing a layer of depth and a tad too sweet.  I went back to the fridge and grabbed a couple of handfuls of baby kale and two small limes. I stirred it all together and let the kale cook down.  I added kale because it has a slight bitterness to it, but not crazy bitter.  The limes added a hit of acid that created a nice flavor profile.  

Almost ready for the bowl!! While I cooked a quick batch of rice, I let it cook down a little longer. 

I cooked up the mushrooms in their own special way.  I added about a tablespoon of coconut oil and a spoonful of bacon grease to the pan. When it was all good and ready, I added 2 minced garlic cloves and my pile o'mushrooms and turned them over in the pan to make sure they were all coated.  Then I just let them cook down, stirring occasionally.  

When they got to this point (I don't know how long) I grabbed my curry powder from Market Spice and tossed about 2 t onto the 'shrooms.  I stirred it all together, tasted, added salt and the juice from half a lime.  I let them continue to cook a little longer, then turned the burner down to keep them warm.  

When the rice was done, I put a small amount (maybe half a cup) into the bottom of the bowl, spooned a generous helping of the veggie curry topped with fresh cilantro, and then the mushrooms on top.  Delicious, nutritious, easy, and awesome.  They way I like to cook!

If you don't trust yourself in the kitchen, start with recipes, build your skills, then trust your instincts.  Most importantly, have fun!  Cooking doesn't have to be a chore.  If you need ideas or have questions, let me know and I will help you along your way!